The way you talk to yourself can build you up
or tear you down. When your inner dialogue is harsh, it’s usually because
you’re repeating things you heard from your parents or other authority figures
when you were growing up.
If the criticism goes too far, it can
discourage you from trying and take the joy out of your life.
free from the voices in your head. Take a look at a
variety of techniques that prove that there’s more than one way to make peace
with your inner critic.
Making Friends with Your Inner
Your inner critic will sound less scary if you
remember that it wants to protect you from failure and other possible dangers.
Learn how to put it to work for
you instead of against you:
Increase awareness. You may
be so used to your inner critic that you hardly think about what it’s
saying. Start changing your relationship by trying to understand what it
wants to tell you.
Look back. What’s your
first memory of your inner critic? Does it sound like a particular person
from your past? There may be family issues or other matters that you need
to heal before you can move on.
Focus on growth. Maybe your
inner voice says you’re bad at math because you failed a test in the third
grade. In reality, you’re not stuck
in your past. Adopt a growth mindset that enables you to become
whatever you want as long as you’re willing to put in the work to get
Aim higher. You may also
find your inner critic easier to deal with if you keep a deeper purpose in
mind. When you’re working for something bigger than yourself, you can
accept your self-doubts without being overcome by them.
Try meditation. Many adults
find that meditation helps them to make their self-talk more comforting
and motivating. Let go of judgements
and connect with your inner goodness.
Silencing Your Inner Critic
On the other hand, there are times when you
just need a break. If your self-talk is making you anxious and depressed, you
can find relief.
Seek distractions. Shift
your attention elsewhere. Take a walk or read a book. Spend some time
doing anything that you enjoy.
Distance yourself. Turn
down the volume by imagining that your inner critic is speaking to someone
else instead of you. Take any
statement and replace the personal pronouns with a funny name.
Identify triggers. Give
yourself advance warning. Figure out the situations where your inner
critic is likely to appear. You may be sensitive about first dates or
criticism from your boss.
List your strengths. If
you’re tired of hearing about your weaknesses, remember your strengths. Make a list of the things you’re good
at from baking bread to writing code.
Correct exaggerations. Your
house won’t be condemned because you were too busy to vacuum for a few
days. Keep things in perspective by ensuring that your self-talk is
Use affirmations. Repeating
positive affirmations can give you a boost when you’re feeling down.
Browse online for ideas or invent your own wording.
Remember your worth. Being tough on yourself erodes
your self-esteem. Shore it back
up by telling yourself that you deserve to be happy and successful.
Build support. While you
need to value yourself, it helps to have others in your corner too.
Surround yourself with family and friends who make you feel positive about
yourself and your opportunities.
Take control of your self-talk and your
future. Treat yourself with compassion and keep striving to reach your full
Walk proud, talk proud, and love your life and life will in turn love you!
A positive delusion could be viewed as merely
a very positive attitude. Now, you might think that’s just being inaccurate and
lying to yourself. You might be right, but the science is clear on this matter.
Studies have shown that people who
overestimate their skills, abilities, and talents for a new endeavor ultimately
perform at a higher level than those that are more realistic or pessimistic
about succeeding at that endeavor.
that overestimate their abilities learn skills better and are more successful. This isn’t too surprising. If you don’t think you’re good at something
and that you can’t learn to do it well, you’re going to be less motivated and
engaged in learning that activity.
Conversely, if you expect the best, you’re
going to jump in and get busy mastering that new skill. With high expectations
– even unjustly high expectations – you’re greatly enhancing your odds of success.
Use these tips to use positive
delusions for your benefit:
Positive delusions give hope. When you tell yourself, “Things will improve if I just hang in there,” you give yourself the hope you require to keep trying and to persevere. It’s always possible that things won’t improve, but if you believe they will, you give yourself a much better chance of success.
Think about what you would do instead if you were very pessimistic. You’d be without hope. Do you think that would make you more likely to succeed or less likely?
Assuming the best can allow you to take action. When you have high expectations, you put yourself in the position to take action. Whether you’re interested in learning to play the banjo or talking to an attractive stranger, you can move forward if you believe that something positive will happen.
If you had low expectations, would you be willing to take action?
Keep in mind that most of your beliefs are at least
partially delusional. Your knowledge and
interpretations of your past experiences are far from perfect. There’s
little that you believe to be true that’s actually true. We’re all
operating under various delusions.
Limit your negative self-talk. Negativity kills. It
kills your spirit, motivation, and future. Put a
damper on negative self-talk before it has a chance to gain momentum. Once
it begins, immediately turn your attention to something else.
Think about the kind of person you want to become. Consider the goals you have in your life and think about what
type of person you need to be in order to attain those goals. What
qualities and characteristics do you need to possess? See yourself as already having those qualities.
Visualize success. One of
the easiest ways to create a positive delusion is to visualize yourself
succeeding. Imagine overcoming every possible obstacle. Imagine yourself
confidently achieving success. This is one of the best ways to use
positive delusions to your advantage.
Believe that having positive delusions is in your
best interest. Remind yourself that being
practical and realistic can be very limiting. Being optimistic and
overestimating your abilities can be very effective in the long term.
There’s a time to be practical and realistic. But that time might not be as often as you think.
Overestimating your abilities and the likelihood of your success can be a powerful way to improve your results. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt on a regular basis and see how it affects your life. You can always go back to more pessimistic ways if you want.
There’s a saying that goes Reach for the stars and you’ll hit the sky. I say “reach into the Universe and you’ll certainly hit the stars”.
Choose what works rather than what makes sense. Perform an optimism experiment on yourself and review the results.
When faced with an undesired situation see the situation as not what you feel it is, but as e new possibility that you will choose it to be. In doing so you are practicing shifting the experience or what is occurring for you to something else. Something more uplifting, edifying and more desirable; something you can learn and grow from.
Everything we experience occurs to us in language as we describe the events and feelings, and interpret through language. Everything can be changed in language by changing the way you speak about the experience, assigning new language to experience to create a new possibility of what is.
Practice creating your life with the language you chose to assign to your experiences.
Be blessed, be beautiful! Love and Light. Stay bright!